Silent Stress: How to Spot and Support Stressed Tweens and Teens

You might think your child is just being “moody” or “distant,” but what if that slammed door, or quiet withdrawal is something deeper, like stress? As tweens and teens juggle school, friendships, family dynamics, and the constant noise of social media, stress can sneak in and take hold in ways that aren’t always obvious.

The good news? You can help them manage it and even prevent it from taking over.

I’m Dr. Charnetta, Board-Certified Pediatrician, Communication Strategist, Parent & Teen Coach and I’m deeply passionate about helping families thrive during the wild, wonderful journey of raising tweens and teens. Let’s explore what stress really looks like in tweens and teens, and what you can do to support your child through it.

1. Stress Doesn’t Always Look Stressed

When my son was taking dual enrollment classes this summer, he was stressed out but he didn’t tell me that directly. I could see it in his body language. Your child may not say, “I’m overwhelmed,” but their behavior speaks volumes. Look out for:

• Increased irritability or frequent mood swings, changes in behavior

• Complaints of headaches or stomachaches with no medical explanation

• Changes in eating or sleeping habits

• Avoiding school or social situations

• Losing interest in activities they used to enjoy

  
  

Stress in this age group is often internalized, especially if they don’t yet have the language or tools to express it. It’s important to ask questions and really listen to what your kids are telling you. I asked my son the right questions and really listened to his answers, validated his feelings, and offered support at the right time. 

2. Common Sources of Stress in Tweens and Teens

Stress triggers can vary by age and personality, but common culprits include:

• Academic pressure

• Social dynamics and peer pressure

• Body changes and identity development

• Family conflict or changes at home

• Overloaded schedules or lack of downtime

• Technology and the constant comparison game on social media

  
  

Even positive changes (like a new school year or extracurricular activity) can cause stress if they feel uncertain or overwhelming.

3. What You Can Do (Instead of Nagging)

When you sense your child is stressed, resist the urge to lecture or fix it immediately. Instead, try:

✅ Normalize the Feeling – Let them know it’s okay to feel stressed sometimes. 

✅ Ask, Don’t Assume – Open a low-pressure conversation. Try: “I’ve noticed you’ve been quieter lately, how are you feeling?” 

✅ Listen First, Guide Later – Give them room to talk without interruption or immediate advice. 

✅ Teach Coping Skills – Introduce journaling, deep breathing, movement (like walking or dancing), or mindfulness exercises. 

✅ Model Healthy Stress Management – Show them how you deal with your own stress in positive ways.

4. Build a Safe Space for Emotional Check-Ins

Having regular check-ins that don’t feel like an interrogation is key. Use tools like a parent-teen journal, weekly one-on-one time, or even a shared playlist to enhance closeness and non-judgmental communication. When they feel safe opening up, they’re more likely to share what’s really going on.

5. Know When to Seek Help

If your child’s stress is interfering with their ability to function daily, or if you notice signs of anxiety, depression, or harmful behaviors, don’t hesitate to reach out to a counselor, therapist, or pediatrician. Getting help early can make a lasting difference.

Final Thoughts:

Stress is real for tweens and teens, but with your support, they don’t have to face it alone. I shared with my son (after validating his feelings), to think of it as “stretching you,” instead of “stressing you” and his outlook and performance changed. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to be present, patient, and willing to walk with them through it.

💬 Want a tool that makes it easier to connect and support your child’s emotional health?

Check out my group of Write Through It - there’s one for teen girls and one for parents, designed to help you both manage stress, boost confidence, and build better communication one page at a time.

XOXO,

Dr. Charnetta