From ‘Whatever’ to Real Words: Teaching Teens to Navigate Complicated Emotions

drcharnetta
Sep 30
3 min read

If you’ve ever asked your teen how they’re feeling and gotten nothing more than a shrug or a “whatever,” you’re not alone.

It’s one of the most common frustrations I hear from parents: “My child won’t talk to me about what’s really going on.”

I’m Dr. Charnetta, Board-Certified Pediatrician, Communication Strategist, Parent & Teen Coach and I’m deeply passionate about helping families thrive during the wild, wonderful journey of raising tweens and teens. Here’s the truth: most of the time, it’s not that your teen doesn’t feel deeply. It’s that they don’t yet have the words, or the skills, to explain what’s happening inside.

Why Teens Default to 'Whatever'

When emotions get complicated, teens often shut down instead of speaking up. Why?

Emotions feel overwhelming. Anger, sadness, embarrassment, and stress can collide all at once.
They lack emotional vocabulary. Many teens haven’t been taught the words for what they’re feeling beyond “mad” or “sad.”
Fear of judgment. They worry you won’t understand, or worse, you’ll minimize their feelings or give them a lecture.
It feels safer to disengage. Silence and “whatever” can feel easier than risking being misunderstood.

So when parents hear 'whatever,' what they’re actually hearing is: “I don’t know how to explain this right now.”

How Parents Can Help Teens Put Feelings Into Words

The good news? You can help your teen move past “whatever” by giving them tools, space, and language to express themselves.

Here are a few strategies:

Model emotional vocabulary. Instead of just saying, “I’m stressed,” try: “I feel overwhelmed because I have so many deadlines.” This gives your teen a real example of naming the feeling and the reason.
Validate, don’t fix right away. If your teen says, “School sucks,” resist the urge to give advice immediately. Instead: “Sounds like today was tough. Want to talk more about it?” Validation opens the door.
Offer non-verbal outlets. Some teens communicate better through writing, art, or journaling than face-to-face conversations. Encourage them to process emotions in a way that feels safe.
Use “feeling” check-ins. Swap “How was your day?” for: “What was the hardest part of today?” or “What’s one word to describe how you feel right now?”
Be patient with silence. Don’t fill every pause. Sometimes “whatever” is just the first layer, and if you wait, the real feelings come through.

Why This Matters

When teens learn to identify and express emotions, they build emotional intelligence, one of the biggest predictors of resilience, healthy relationships, and confidence.

Without this skill, those bottled-up emotions can come out in other ways: irritability, withdrawal, or risky behaviors. Helping them find words gives them healthier outlets and strengthens your bond.

A Tool to Make This Easier

This is exactly why I created Write Through It, a guided journal for teen girls. It’s a guided space designed to help teens identify their emotions, put words to their feelings, and process them in a healthy way.

Parents tell me it’s a game-changer because it gives their child a safe outlet while also making communication at home easier and more natural.

👉 If your teen is stuck in 'whatever' mode, the journal can help them unlock their real voice. [Get the Write Through It Journal here]

Final Thought

'Whatever' doesn’t have to be the end of the conversation. With the right tools and approach, it can actually be the beginning: the first step toward deeper trust, stronger communication, and helping your teen feel truly heard.

XOXO,

Dr. Charnetta